Sunday, December 31, 2006

Merry Christmas

Jesus Christ,

Everything changed and it took me two freaking weeks to remember my password.

OK what a shitty year 2006 was on so many levels. Personally, financially, love wise, work wise, health wise, and relationships just drilled me all year long.

Dating was my first highlight and by far my first lowlight, (Is that really possible?)

Ask me and I will fill in the details.

I found a new friend and I lost my soul mate.

I meant a new someone early in the year and when I lost my job she just disappeared.

Yes, I was laid off from my job and spent 3 months trying to recover from the shock to my pride.

I found out early in the year that I was lied to, used, betrayed, taken advantage of financially and made a fool of in front of my co-workers in a relationship a few years ago.

Christmas Day this year was good and I finally realized how much bullshit I put up for the past 20+ years with a wife, different girlfriends and their families. The shit I used to put up with, (Christmas lights up and down, trips to the airport, gifts for people I didn't like or even know, etc) and all of the wasted time I spent driving here and there, lying to the wife/girlfriends and their respective families about how important they were and how much they meant to me and all I wanted to do was get away from everyone and do Christmas MY WAY.Selfish Yes, most definately Yes, but after all of the crappy Chrsitmas' I have been through, I think I am due a little "Christmas for me."

When I was financially broke and in a very tight spot, I gave money to someone that that was also in a tight spot and NEVER received all of the cash back. I guess it was assumed that it wasn't a loan but a gift. To me, Christmas has become a financial burden and more importantly, the day that I feel I am taken advantage of.

Everyone doesn't need a Play Station or a diamond necklace. When I would give hundreds of dollars in cash to a girlfriends sister, brother or kids so they could buy Christmas gifts, I was astounded on Christmas Day to see they spent a very small portion on my wife/girlfriend and they pocketed the rest. Taking my cash and giving it to your "DAD" so he can buy drugs isn't a Christmas gift.

It is bad enough I had to repeatedly buy clothes for some of you on Sunday nights when you were dropped off from your weekend with your "REAL DAD" because he "forgot the suitcase" and you had no clothes for school on Monday.

I put Christmas lights up at someone’s parents house only to hear what a terrible job I did. I wasn't married, we were only dating, but after 3 hours of untangling the diabolical root ball from last year, I had just put up the lights, (without help) and the first words from her mom were, "Oh my God, there are two red lights in a row. That boy is an idiot."

I was 40+ years old and I was still just a "Boy". No apology, no support from the girlfriend, just that look that a guy gets when he is in real trouble. That year I got her diamond earrings and she gave me a sweatshirt. She didn't get a valentines gift from me.

Christmas became a chore for me and I dreaded the day months in advance. It was bad enough that I am allergic to pine sap and handling any Christmas tree caused a large rash on my body. "You cut it wrong, you got the wrong kind, It's too small, It is already dry and will die soon", Christmas has been tough holiday for me.

"Your family or mine?, Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? We have to clean the house again because my family is coming over. We are cooking this year. If you don't go to my sisters, I am not going to your sister's. We only spent $50.00 on my dad, we need to get him more.

When I heard from the girlfriend one year, "that her child "A" had more gifts than her child "B" and we needed to "go get more gifts for child B", I pretty much lost it. Instead of enjoying the day, it became about 15 gifts versus 11 gifts.

Christmas should be about friendship, love, respect and family, not money and gifts.
Over time I learned that , "We will only spend for our families and the kids, Don't get me anything", really means "You won't get anything, but give me money for my family and kids, and make sure I am surprised Christmas morning."

I know that I should have "COMMUNICATED" my wants and desires in advance, but looking back over the years; so should my wife/girlfriend, RIGHT?

I am not whining/ranting here, I have had lots of great Christmas' in my life and I cherish the memories spent in the snow that year, spent in our new place together, spent together as a couple for the first time. I remember my first bike, my first gift from my wife and the many surprise gifts I received from girlfriends over the years.

I have spent some Christmas mornings alone and some were spent with an overwhelming amount of family and I know that it isn't the "amount", it is the "attitude"

Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays
Joyeux Noël
Frohe Weihnachten
Веселое Рождество
Feliz Navidad
Natale allegro
Wesoły Boże Narodzenie
Hilaris Sarcalogos