Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
He is clean, sober and most importantly he is my brother and I love him.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Monday, September 20, 2004
Everything changes and so has my life. Most of what I thought was important clearly isnt. Most of the people I know look at me with pity or with a sense of sorrow. I can tell their feelings and it does not bother me. Years ago it would have been a serious problem for me to accept other peoples negative perception of me. Now I dont pay attention to others like I used to. Maybe I should but I dont need their pity or sorrow, I just need me if I dont fix it, feel it, need it, deal with it no one will. I would rather go outside and go for a run with the headphones on than watch TV. The library is more important than the liquor store. I keep throwing things away that I bought a long time ago and have never used. Clutter, trash, possessions, things are, (have been) a waste. Getting back to a basic few items and an extremely less complicated life is my goal.
I have no demands on my time, except for my job, and I need to find more things to do. I tried helping at the library reading to kids, but it took to long to try to explain what the words mean than what the author meant or what the story is about. Donating my time seems to come with lots of strings and questions about my full time job that I dont want to deal with. Why is it so hard to help out?
It seems that to I still have a long way to go and certain selfishness seems to show up every now and then. When I give some of myself out to others it seems that I get hurt. Whether it is in personal relationships or when I donate my time it seems to come back and create more trouble than it is worth. I know that I cant or wont grow as person unless I give some of myself up to others. I know the YOU CANT GET LOVE UNTIL YOU GIVE LOVE Well giving love, time, self, help, GIVING is what it is going to take to get some back.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
I don't subscribe to the adage , "You are what you drive." I know it's California but what's the point of paying $30, 000.00 for a big truck or a SUV. I have no kids, no wife, it's just me and I drive 4 miles to work and 4 miles home each day.
When I arrived at the dealership, I test drove a big Chevy 2500 HD pick-up a massive beast and a great truck. During the test drive I got a phone call from a friend once again asking me if I could drive over with my (old) truck and haul some stuff for them. They didn't know that I was test driving a new truck but somehow I knew that I needed to buy a small car. I turned around headed for the dealership, parked the truck got out and walked over to the littlest car i could find.
I purchased a brand new 4 cylinder Chevy Cavalier. It gets 35 miles to the gallonand doesn't need a transmission.