Wednesday, December 29, 2004
On December 23rd a customer at one of our restaurants brought his video camera into the store and left it after his meal. He returned a few days later and said that one of the other customers stole his camcorder. When I asked how he knew this he said, "I saw them take it" I remarked "you saw someone steal your camcorder and you didn’t say anything until 2 days later." "Look at the video you’ll see the guy taking it" stated the customer. I went back to the why did it take you two days to come and tell us about this. His response was, "Because I was eating"
This guy was too busy eating a freaking hamburger to get up, walk 5 or 6 feet and say something when it occurred, but two 2 days later he has enough energy to come into my office and complain to me.
We do have a security system but unfortunately no clear view of anyone taking his camcorder but I can see him entering our store with it in his hand. According to this customer it was a brand new "expensive" camcorder that he purchased to make videos of Christmas morning at his house. He had it with him when he went to get his lunch. He stated that he set it down on the counter so he could pay for his lunch. He took his lunch and sat down and proceeded to sit down a few feet away. He finished his lunch and left the restaurant and went home. Viewing the scene the camcorder is not visible on the counter ever. So as far as I can see maybe he kept the camcorder to him self, Hell I don’t know what happened to this guys camcorder. I called him and told him that we had no clear view of the incident and that I was very sorry for his loss. He said "Thanks" and hung up the phone. Some how I knew this wasn’t over.
Today he called to ask if we would have his check ready to pick up. I said, "Check. A check for what." "To replace my camcorder," he said. I then went on to explain that we were not responsible for his loss and that he should call the police and file a report if he feels that his camcorder was stolen. He doesn’t want to bother the police but wants a $1000.00 from me.
I told that I was sorry but were not responsible and that he should go see the police and file a report and we would try to help identify which customer allegedly stole his camcorder. He response was as expected, "FUCK YOU"
I am concerned that we will be visited from beyond and the first person on earth the aliens will try to talk to this is this moron. Heaven help us all.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
He was in Fallouja when the Marine Corps went through that town like a hot knife through butter. While eating breakfast on Christmas Day the TV was on and a news report came on about the bomb that blew up the mess tent that the US Army had in Mosul. My nephew looked at the TV and under his breath said “Pussies” I said, ”Pussies” he said, “Yeah Pussies. Those Army pukes were eating in a tent. We rarely ate inside let alone a hot meal. They had hot showers and hot chow. You know on Thanksgiving Day we were killing these guys and someone from the rear came along and said hey Hot Chow. So we stopped killing these guys and went over to a truck and there were plates with turkey and potatoes and stuff. It wasn’t hot but it wasn’t a MRE. We finished the meal and then we right back to killing those guys.”
I asked him about the incident that was widely reported on TV about the Marines that shot that supposed un-armed Iraqi in the room. He laughed and said, Hey over there everyone is armed. Little kids run around with guns. Trust me he was not un-armed.”
He then started to talk about an incident where his squad got into a bit of a jam while clearing a couple of houses in Fallouja.
“ We were trying to clear a small block when suddenly we started getting small arms fire from all around. Everyone ran for cover in a different direction and we took off and headed for a corner that I thought would provide sufficient cover for my buddy and myself. We dove around the cover and were kind of laughing at each other and figuring we really did dodge a bullet. Slowly the firing stopped and we heard that the rest of the squad was safe and secure. We all re-grouped and moved out in a different direction and once again we had to find cover from the incoming fire. We humped it around this corner and realized that we were once again separated from the squad. I was looking at an Iraqi with an AK 47 pointed right at me and I froze in my track and figured this is going to hurt, really hurt. He started firing at us now and when my buddy came around the corner and he took a stray round in the shoulder. He dove back behind the corner and was yelling and screaming. I was in clear sight with no protection other than what I had on me and I figured that if I moved, I would take around or two. This Iraqi idiot was 20 or 25 feet away with an AK 47 and could not hit me. Finally the guy emptied his weapon and I took him out with a couple of quick rounds from my weapon. My buddy was fine; it was really just a scratch.
I sat there mesmerized by the story and asked well what did you do next? He said they went through the body and found his Iraqi ID card and $250.00 in brand new American currency. They kept the cash and when the rest of the squad returns from Iraq in January this dead Iraqi will be buying the squad drinks.
We will be taking him out for pizza and beer in a couple of weeks maybe we will get to hear some more stories.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Monday, December 20, 2004
I was barbecuing a piece of chicken with an ear of corn. It was just like summer a warm afternoon, smoke drifting out of the vents of the BBQ and kids playing soccer on the lawn I sat down with a glass of wine, a small salad and enjoyed my BBQ chicken and corn. I had a small cup of frozen yogurt for desert and enjoyed the day out side on my patio. Looking back at the TV and seeing the freezing fans in Green Bay and in Cleveland I realized just how different this country really is.
Not bad for December 19th.
Merry Christmas from California
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Office Christmas Parties and alcohol go hand in hand. “Back in the day” we had 2 parties 1 for all of the employees usually held at a local hotel. We required everyone to dress up and behave. No booze just a large gift exchange; food, dancing and we gave out some awards. The party lasted 3 to 4 hours and it wasn’t exciting but it was a Christmas Party. With out fail year in and year out a few employees would sneak outside and smoke dope and get drunk at their car and attempt to re-enter. There was never any serious violence just some pushing and shoving a punch here or there.
The second party was a Staff party and was a blow out. Champagne, cold duck and wine flowed like water and there were always a few little finger foods that no one ever touched. It seemed year after year I left there drunk and drove home. One year I drove some one else home from the party and my car ended up on his front lawn. One year someone vomited in the elevator when leaving. A customer or client would come to the office and we would all stand at attention with a smirk on our face and bottle of champagne in our hands. One of us would start giggling and we would all end up laughing. The goal then was to see who could keep their balance with out spilling their drink. The party was on the last Friday before Christmas and began around 2:00 pm. By 5:00 pm most everyone was hammered and trying to figure out how they were going to get home.
With company growth we canceled the employee party and just concentrated on the Managers party. This year the company paid for the adult beverages. Each employee was given 2 red tickets for the purchase of 2 drinks. Any drink that wasn’t alcohol would be free from the restaurant. Great system in theory but most of us have access to the tickets and would grab a few tickets here and there throughout the year. 63 people in attendance 45 over 21 and we had almost 200 adult beverage tickets turned in. Just over 4 drinks per person and I know of a few wives that didn’t have anything but ice tea. This includes the extra tickets we gave to the late people when we ran out food.
The managers that are messing around with each other kept eyeing each other during the party. No physical contact just a head nod, a smile, a wink here a toss of the hair there. When dinner was finished gifts were exchanged and everyone got out their chairs and mingled. There were more drinks and some people filtered out and went home or left for the after party not these two managers, who by the way work in the same store. She is actually his superior, supervisor, and boss, whatever. These 2 “couples” came in the limo together that he paid for and this was that “the latecomers” group. She always seemed to be a bitch and he is an up and coming super star in our company. He will easily be promoted over her in the new future. He is personable and kind, she is cold and goes out of her way to be mean to most of the employees.
The female manager and her husband seemed to be disagreeing during the party. They would say something to each other and she would roll her eyes in disgust. He would then call her a name and she would push his hands away from her. He just seemed to disappear and I guess got a ride home. She seemed to become more open and was having a better time without the husband. The male managers wife became hammered and became loud and crude. She kept rubbing his crotch and repeatedly grabbed her breasts with both hands, (Good thing the owners had left) he was embarrassed by this situation and it seemed he was looking for a way to get her home and still go to the after party with his co-worker girl friend. His wife solved all of his problems when she asked if she could home right away and she told him he could go to the after party alone. His eyes lit up and he got an idea he borrowed somebody else’s car and told them to take his place in the limo and they would all meet at Sergio’s house for the after party. I have no reports of a hook up yet at the after party but reportedly they were the last two in the limo about 3:00am
Yes the after party! A manager invited everyone over to his house for more food and drinks. I was not an eyewitness to the after party but can only report second hand information. This after party really wasn’t my cup of tea as it was on a Wednesday night and I had to work early, (7:30 am) on Thursday.
Mix alcohol and young females with any age males and there is always going to be sex. No one appeared drunk or seemed to be falling down but when the after party started however one young lady was already asleep. There were excessive amounts of beer and tequila. The food was sushi, shrimp, and meatballs in a crackpot, empanadas, chips and salsa. The perfect foods for vomiting after having six or seven shots of tequila were available for all.
The house is large and rather spread out so the party was really in 3 or 4 different areas. The living room the kitchen, and the family room, which was adjacent to the outside patio. Older mellower managers were in the living room while a harder drinking group was in the family room while the youngsters were outside.
A group of people left around 11:00 am mostly the staff and their spouses and some of the managers that had to work on Thursday morning.
After midnight a young female manager became extremely drunk and began to vomit all over the back yard at the party. She was sick enough that she puked on her self and in her drunken stupor did what most every guy wanted; she took her top off. Blouse and bra gone she proceeded to paraded around for a few minutes with vomit on her slacks and bare-chested for all to see. The big boss in an effort to see the boobs off the young topless girl got a little too close and when she vomited on his suit he exclaimed, “ You just threw up on my $700.00 suit” Another young female manager watching this scene take place yelled at the big boss, “It’s all about money for you isn’t it. Can’t you ever have a conversation with any of us that doesn’t include how much money you have or how much money you have spent.” When the other managers heard the commotion outside, (drunk males looking at a woman with no top provides much in the way of a commotion). An older male manager took off his coat and put it around this young lady and he and his wife took her home.
Another young female that was a friend of a friend at the party decided that she was going to have a conversation with a few of the older male managers. I understand that she went to a few of the males and in a very sexy voice asked them questions regarding sex. She became very coy and asked them questions about oral sex, positions and how big they were. A couple of wives / girlfriends were pissed off but supposedly one of the wives/girlfriends put her up to it. Reportedly she took off her bra and opened her blouse a button or two to show a little extra something for everyone to look at.
A young lad who came with his brother who is a manager passed out drunk and peed all over himself in the back yard. Everyone just left him alone sitting in chair with his lap seeping urine.
According to others most people left around 1:00 am with a few leaving at 2:00am. One couple spent the night on the couch, the smartest of the whole group.
No violence to report, no DUI”S but the office assistant that was involved in a deadly DUI early this year was drunk enough that he should not have been allowed to drive. He still has depositions to attend in the accident that killed 3 of his friends. I wish I was there to make sure he didn’t drive or that he took a cab home.
Two days later a couple of the participants of the party mentioned to me that they were glad I wasn’t there. When I asked why one of them said, “Dude, you would have shit with everything that went on.” I replied back, “ I’m not the companies conscience or “Morals Manager”. That was a private party at someone’s house and we, (the company) are not responsible for what happens at a private party. Sergio is responsible for what happens at his house, not me. People are responsible for themselves and I am not going to spend the rest of my time being the “Morals Manager”” I asked them, “Would my presence have changed your behavior.” One of them said yes and one said No. The one who said yes commented, “you see things no one else sees and you remember it, dude”
I am really concerned about this statement, I have to ask myself “Is that how people really see me”?
Oh well I arrived at work on Thursday morning at 7:30 am sober and alive. I know that if went to the party I was going to get in trouble. Maybe if it was on a Friday or Saturday I might have gone yeah I would have gone, drank way too much, stared at the topless chick and would defiantly have made in-appropriate comments to that young lady asking the sex questions.
Friday, December 17, 2004
Managers that were in the hot seat a few days ago stand in the back as if they want to be invisible. A harmless incident the week of the party in past years has seen poor seating to a lesser bonus. Cautious glances from a spouse to a manager about where they sit can been seen when everyone takes a seat.
Whispers and close talking about who is sitting where and next to whom goes on for a few moments until a hush falls over the room, Who will be the first to get up and get in the buffet line. No one wants to be first and everyone is anxious to see “Who will be first?” Naturally I am always first, I don’t care and actually look forward to it to see who will be second and which manager and spouses will be last. The line is confusing with plates on both ends and different items on each side of a long table. People line up on different sides and crush into each other, someone spills a plate of rice and the usual comments of, “Is that all there is” is heard. No one wants to seem gluttonous or heavy handed, but it is obvious that some of the male spouses are very hungry. Heaping plates from the buffet and empting serving dishes are the result.
The late crowd shows up (a hour and half late), 5 managers and spouses and the buffet is out of food items and then the fun starts. The wait staff of the restaurant approaches the office manager to make sure that she understands that any extra portions will be added to the already agreed upon price. The office manager then goes from one table to another to see, “Who took all the food” While the late comers are getting their drinks, new fresh food is brought out and before the late managers have a chance to get plates, most of the “Hungry Man table” rushes to the servers and pretty much devours all of the new food brought in. It is then decided that rather than get “more” food the latecomers would each get a few extra free drinks. Everyone seems happy until it is discovered much later that all ten, (5 managers and spouses) are under 21. How many late people will there be next year?
The groups that show up at the party vary from the newlyweds to the couples that really only see each other at the yearly Christmas Party. The new managers that have never been to the party are nervous and clearly afraid that they will make a faux pau of some sort that will haunt them for decades. Older more senior managers arrive, rarely are they dressed formally, usually just a coat, no tie or just a long sleeve shirt, no tie or coat. Their wives are dressed up as if this is the only formal function they attend all year. They wear lots of jewelry, make-up and perfume.
Most of the male middle management is near the age of 21 and their idea of dressing up is to wear their work clothes with one of those fake black plastic leather “pleather” jackets. When asked why they didn’t dress up the look astonished that you think they are dressed up. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing” They bring a girlfriend that is young most are 18 years old or younger. These “dates” are dressed for the disco, short skirts, low tops and heavy make-up with huge hoop earrings that a buffalo could run through. One young lady wore low cut blue jeans with a top that that was so tight it would fit someone that is 2 or 3 years old.
The two managers that are having an affair show up with their spouses and sit at different tables. During the party they end up staring at each and rarely acknowledging the spouse they came with. I notice the “look of love “ but does any one else notice?
There are a few singles that show up alone and try to fit in with the different groups that exist. They flow from group to group never really fitting in, looking uncomfortable, interrupting a conversation with an anecdote or a joke then moving on.
More to follow: drinking, cursing, sex and the Chrsitmas Bonus.
Monday, December 13, 2004
Thursday, December 09, 2004
He "stored" a large amount of himself in Harry's Lightning Bolt scar! This is why the scar aches, burns, etc every time Voldemort is feeling something strong, or using magic. What part of himself did he place in the scar? Probably the larger portion of his power! Did you ever wonder why the Wands are the same? Maybe it is because the power is the same! Harry may well have been born a squib!!!! He only has power because Voldemort left him self in the scar and Harry can use all of Voldermorts powers, snake talking, animigus, etc
Dumbledore didn't kill Voldemort because it is useless! As long as Harry is alive he will keep coming back! Voldemort needs Harry to die to release the power and allow him to fully come back! Until then he is a shadow of his former self!
In the end those who say they are setting Harry up for Sacrifice are correct, though he most likely will not have to die. Instead they will have him lose his magic to defeat Voldemort somehow. The precise vehicle for this defeat is unclear to me...
Something else... Has anyone considered that Hedgewig may be a very special owl indeed? We never saw him being "purchased". That task was done out of scene by Haggrid. I've thought for a while that Madam Hooch may be an animagus, and that she may actually be Hedgewig, set by Dumbledore to guard Harry.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
The kids that drive these monsters also seem to be on the cell phone as well. They drive wild, not paying attention to what happens around them. Oblivious to any one but themselves they seem to have no purpose than to otherwise drive around and annoy the neighbor hood. Other drivers can’t seem to drive fast enough for these kids or always seem to be in the way. No blinkers, never paying attention just running the streets
Earlier today a young lady driving a brand new Ford Expedition rides up behind me flashes her lights, honks her horn. Clearly she is in a hurry and I’m not, I pull over, she is on the cell phone and flips me off as she goes by.
She speeds up and turns a corner on the phone and turns wide and hits a van. When I pull up to the accident scene the older man driving the van is in bad shape. This girl, (really just a girl) drove to big a car, too fast, not paying attention and causes a bad accident. The first words out of her mouth are to the person she’s talking top on the cell phone. She is talking on the cell phone to a girlfriend about a party she’s going to while the driver on the van is bleeding to death. I call 911 and suddenly a few other drivers stop. A nurse happens to stop and helps stop the bleeding on the injured mans leg. Fire trucks and paramedics, finally the police. Swear to God the girl is still on the phone when the police pull up.
After a few minutes the police officer asks the girl what happened and she says,
”He hit me” The officer asks her to put her cell phone away while he interviews her, she asks the police officer, “Do I have too.”
The man is driven away in the ambulance when I approach the officer to explain what I saw and how she was driving when she went pass me. The young lady overhears my discussion with police officer, runs over and yells something at me in a foreign language. The police officer steps in takes my statement. When he looks in Expedition, he finds a bag of make-up all over the front seat and floorboards, a soda, (not spilled) and she says, “When he hit me I was putting on my make-up, look what he did to my face.”
I looked at the officer and said, “Thank-God this is your job”
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
You and I have been through a lot and no matter the past, you and your heart are important to me. It pains me to know that you are hurting and all that I can offer is words. I take no joy in your pain and I pray that everything works out for you. Your happiness is all that I ever wanted.
Things like this happen for a reason (someone special told me this once) and I don’t believe you will be alone for very long. I will always be a friend for you, to you and with you.
Man is pack animal. We don’t like to be alone. We need friends, we need family, and we need each other. I’ve been loved and I been alone and believe me being loved is so much better than being alone.
Loved is warm and comfortable, alone is cold and tearful.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
I live in a red county that is almost entirely in a blue state. I resent the fact the most people that run the parties or run campaigns think that I am willing to change my vote on issue because some famous person takes a certain stance on a subject.
Does Bruce Springsteen vote can't more than my vote? If any one out there votes a certain way because a famous person tells them to, well in my opinion they should not be allowed to vote. Isn't voting the ultimate form of self-expression. When you vote you are getting your chance to say what you want. All of these people that believe that Michael Moore has all the answers and is 100% correct all the time and vote Democratic are not voting, they are fans.
Michael Moore position was not, "Vote for Kerry, he is a great man for the Presidency" His deal was, "Don't vote for Bush" The difference is huge and most people saw through it. Look knucklehead I can read and I can make up my own mind, I have been able to do this for 40 + years. Give me the facts and not your opinion so I can make up my opinion. I am not your stooge.
I don't look at the TV and say, "Wow Jennifer Anniston says I should vote for John Kerry, Well she is good looking so she must be right. How freaking dumb is that, and any of you that voted a certain way because some famous person told you so, should ask your self this question, "Why am I voting?"
I do not agree with everything the Republican Party stands for; I have issues with the Republican Party on abortion and stem cell research. However, I do believe strongly that less government is better. I believe that lower taxes are a good thing. I believe that it is not the governments job to help me be successful or to survive. I think taking money out of my pocket to give to people that are generally lazy and are unwilling to get a job is a crime.
I also think the idiots that are trying to get the law changes to allow Arnold to be president by 2008 are in for a rude awakening. It could take decades for this change to occur, changing the constitution is not a simple matter. The bill must pass both houses and be ratified by 38 states. This is not very easy and unlikely to happen by 2007. 2007 is the cut off for applying to run in some states for the 2008 primaries.
The people in this state honestly believe that what it wants, it should have and anyone that disagrees isn't sophisticated. Some Californians believe that if you do not live here than well you are miss-informed and you're ignorant and that makes them superior. I have met people like this and they really believe that California sets the tone for the whole country. Well if that is so and California is so Red how come President Bush was re-elected?
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
I voted for George W. Bush and I voted for stem cell research to go ahead. Go Vote Go Vote Go Vote!!!!
Monday, November 01, 2004
Friday, October 29, 2004
Well it is like losing your virginity. Yup that’s right your virginity.
Remember back when,
You heard about it way before it happened and what everyone else said about how great it would be isn’t even close to how great it is.
You dreamt about it happening a different way each time.
It came close to happening a few times and failure always seemed to be the result.
You never thought it would happen to you just to everyone else.
The expectation seemed to be a curse.
You didn’t believe it was happening even while it was going on.
When it finally happened you were so stunned you could barely talk couldn’t even move.
When it was finally over yelling and screaming just didn’t seem to be enough celebration.
The next day all you thought about is when will it happen again?
Monday, October 25, 2004
This job is a tough job and isn’t for the weak. Long hours, tough scheduling and not much room for advancement, telephone calls at all hours of the day, meetings scheduled on your day off and make it difficult for everyone males and females. If you’re a women with a family or trying to start a family it is a brutal job.
A Supervisor’s in the course of a week told a young female manager in our company that having more children now was wrong and she should wait until she was older. She already has a daughter and her and her husband want more children but when she accidentally slipped that she wanted more kids. This Supervisor made her feel terrible and pushed her over the edge, she turned in her notice today.
A week before this very same female manager was traveling to a seminar with a different Supervisor and a few other mangers. Some how the conversation turned to unwed teen-age mothers. This second Supervisors and one of her peers began to belittle these teenage mothers and they both made statements to the effect that un-wed teenage mothers come from broken homes and are not loved. Their parents were bad parents and didn’t love their kids.
The Supervisor and the other manager both knew that this young female manager sitting in the same car with them was 16 when she gave birth to her daughter. She was not married when she gave birth and was living at home with both of her parents. They continued on repeatedly making the same and similar generalizations about young teenage mothers.
This is not the first time this has occurred in our company. We have little tolerance for mothers that have families. These very same Supervisors arrive at work late 9:00 am or later and rarely work past 4:00 pm. They arrive late from lunch because they have to pick-up their own children from day care, pre-school, etc and leave early Mon-Fri to pick –up kids from school. Bothering the Supervisors on a weekend is a “crime” and according to the Supervisors always is because one of the managers screwed up.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
He is clean, sober and most importantly he is my brother and I love him.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Monday, September 20, 2004
Everything changes and so has my life. Most of what I thought was important clearly isnt. Most of the people I know look at me with pity or with a sense of sorrow. I can tell their feelings and it does not bother me. Years ago it would have been a serious problem for me to accept other peoples negative perception of me. Now I dont pay attention to others like I used to. Maybe I should but I dont need their pity or sorrow, I just need me if I dont fix it, feel it, need it, deal with it no one will. I would rather go outside and go for a run with the headphones on than watch TV. The library is more important than the liquor store. I keep throwing things away that I bought a long time ago and have never used. Clutter, trash, possessions, things are, (have been) a waste. Getting back to a basic few items and an extremely less complicated life is my goal.
I have no demands on my time, except for my job, and I need to find more things to do. I tried helping at the library reading to kids, but it took to long to try to explain what the words mean than what the author meant or what the story is about. Donating my time seems to come with lots of strings and questions about my full time job that I dont want to deal with. Why is it so hard to help out?
It seems that to I still have a long way to go and certain selfishness seems to show up every now and then. When I give some of myself out to others it seems that I get hurt. Whether it is in personal relationships or when I donate my time it seems to come back and create more trouble than it is worth. I know that I cant or wont grow as person unless I give some of myself up to others. I know the YOU CANT GET LOVE UNTIL YOU GIVE LOVE Well giving love, time, self, help, GIVING is what it is going to take to get some back.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
I don't subscribe to the adage , "You are what you drive." I know it's California but what's the point of paying $30, 000.00 for a big truck or a SUV. I have no kids, no wife, it's just me and I drive 4 miles to work and 4 miles home each day.
When I arrived at the dealership, I test drove a big Chevy 2500 HD pick-up a massive beast and a great truck. During the test drive I got a phone call from a friend once again asking me if I could drive over with my (old) truck and haul some stuff for them. They didn't know that I was test driving a new truck but somehow I knew that I needed to buy a small car. I turned around headed for the dealership, parked the truck got out and walked over to the littlest car i could find.
I purchased a brand new 4 cylinder Chevy Cavalier. It gets 35 miles to the gallonand doesn't need a transmission.
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
M failed to install ISP correctly at the new store. I worked freaking 11 hours today most of the time on payroll. J worked 80.00 regular hours and 37.00 OT hrs in the pay period. M was up set that I questioned her about the fact that her payroll wasn’t done, accurate, ready or completed. She melted down and blamed her payroll problem on J and me for some strange reason. How J is involved I don’t know.
As I mentioned the other day I am now the marketing director, manager, supervisor, lackey.
B. asked me about you this afternoon. He wanted to know if you were OK and if I had talked to you or heard from you. I told him that you were doing great and that you were back where you wanted to be and that most importantly; you were, (I can’t believe I will state this) where you belonged. I told him you were dating someone in your home town and that you were real happy.
I told him that you were happy and that everything was good between us. He asked if I was going to leave here and move to your town to be with you, I said "No" and I asked why would he ask that question. He said that he heard a rumor that I was unhappy here in California without you and I was thinking about leaving California. He stated that he assumed that meant I was leaving to be with you.
I explained that his sources were good but not accurate. Yes, You could say, I am miserable and you could also say that I was, I am, I might be maybe thinking about leaving California. But not for Michigan, (your feelings about me are clear), but maybe some place south of you. Some place new.
I have interviewed for a few companies that are far away from here, far, far away from the memories and the past. I know it is a long time ago for you, but you know for me, some days, some places, are still real hard to deal with. I really do feel strongly about going away and putting the past behind me. I can’t imagine being here very much longer, I seem to be the outcast, the person everyone wants to pity.
Here are the friendship conversations you wanted,
I know that we feel different about each other and it is OK.
Look no disrespect or malice intended, REALLY. Friend to friend.
“Cross my heart, and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye”
Not in bad way but How did you move on?
I’m sure that you stopped loving me long before you told me you were leaving.
I imagine you waiting for the moment to tell me you were leaving and somehow for months you were afraid of telling me.
How did you hold all of this inside you?
Were you that afraid of me?
Did you really feel that I didn’t love you?
Did you really think it didn’t matter to me that you left?
Was I that mean to R and you?
I look back now and I realize that you were unhappy for a long time and, Look, no offense, but I believe love, true love doesn’t reside in a zip code.
Sometimes late at night I really, really hate you and sometimes I really, really thank -you.
I became more than “me” when I was with you. I was “OVER CHICKED” with you. I don’t know the answers you ever gave to your friends and family when they asked you,
“WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM?”
When anyone, everyone asked me that question, I always said the same thing,
“BECAUSE, I’ M A BETTER PERSON WHEN I AM WITH HER!!!”
You made your decision and you got what you wanted, you said “damn everybody else”, go for it. You made a decision that your family was more important than we were. It’s OK because, you became the mother you were destined to be, the person you always wanted to be.
God has decided that we were only supposed to be together for a short period of time, yeah ten years is a short time. I really did give everything I had and it was not enough. I never wanted to be a dad but you changed my mind and I will always look at R and R as “my children” and even though you and they won’t admit it and no one else will admit it, “I AM PROUD OF THEM” and “I DID THE BEST I COULD!! “
Unfortunately, I lost out, well maybe I didn’t lose. I learned a lot from you, but my god, for a while there we were good together, really good together.
Look, please respond to me, you cast al large shadow and most importantly, tell me how you feel, tell me what is inside of you. Tell me what you want. I have nothing to loose, your gone.
Will your silence; can your silence hurt me any more?
It has taken a long time for me to get some of this out and I am probably a year or two too late.
Sometimes I am mean and nasty, sometimes I am rotten and inconsiderate, but I will always be your fiend.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
I can't believe I ever chose work over you. In the all time worst trades in history in the history of trades I fucked up. I look back at a decade of bad decision's and stupid ego and regret, (yeah regret a fucking big word for me), a lot.
How is possible something that was soright has gone so bad so fast.
My hurt is real and deep and I would give it all away for a real minute with you, just to look in your eyes and to hold you again. I know it will never happen but thought keeps me alive most nights.
I am looking for support for someone to pump me up to lift my spirits all the things you used to do.
Monday, July 05, 2004
I place a call to the main office and sure enough the answering machine is on. I call the owner and as usual no answer. I page him and I then call my assistant and apologize for the mistake and I send her home with pay for the rest of the day with the promise that she can leave 2 hours early on Friday with pay.
The owner finally calls and says, “No one told you?” “Nope” I say I explained that I worked on Saturday and Sunday and talked to the Supervisors on Saturday and no one told me we were to be off today. He doesn’t say sorry just “ok” and hangs up.
It would not be so bad but for 12 years this has been shits been going on, the money is good but the treatment is intolerable. Maybe it is time to move on.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
Is it possible I will see you and you will want to see me?
I cant stop thinking about the possibilities that exist!
Will we be together or will we be apart?
Will you want to see me?
Do you still want me or am I just a FRIEND?
I will admit to exhilaration that I havent had in a long time.
I am afraid to call you, but I have too. The possibilities are too important. I cannot stand the not knowing How will you look, how will I look, what will you say to me, what will I say to you?
Will you hug me, will you kiss me? Will you spend time with me or as I suspect lots of time with others and a little time with me.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Friday, June 11, 2004
Two Irish ladies were at the wake for their dear friend, Mollie. “Poor Mollie,” said the first woman, looking down at the body, “She had such a hard life. First she married Mike, who gave her five crying children in six years. He beat her and never worked a day in his life. Then Mike up and died, and she married Johnny, who was worse, giving her seven more children and not a penny of support. He was drunk all the time until he died, too. Now Mollie is gone, worked to death taking care of those 12 kids.”
“Well, at least they are together at last,” replied the second women.
“You mean in heaven?” asked the first woman. “Is poor Mollie with Mike or Johnny?”
The second woman stated, “ I was referring to her legs!”
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
I graduated from High School in June of 1979 and voted for Ronald Reagan in his second election. When he was wrong he owned up and admitted it, when he was right he gave credit to others. He cast such a large shadow that I really don’t think George Bush the first didn’t, couldn’t survive the shadow. It seems that George Bush the second will have a better a chance to a second term than his father did.
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
The guy's "Rule"
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally: the guy's side of. The story. I must admit it's pretty good. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. This is our rule! Please note... These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. .
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know the best way to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothings wrong. We know are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you do not want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
I know life should be hard. Life should be tough, goals should be difficult maybe even unreachable. Hell, I don’t know but the struggle seems to take away from the joy of the journey.
I stop myself from enjoying life. I am the eternal glass half-empty instead of the glass half –full. Lately, God seems to have handed me the empty glass. If it were not for bad luck or no luck, I would have no luck!
What do I want from life? You keep asking me that question and I just don’t know anymore. What I wanted always seems to be the roller coaster ride of life. Things go up and things go down. Relationships happen, go well, go bad, they end.
What do I want from life?
I just want to be wanted, just wanted by someone that wants me. I want the impossible, I want some one to love me and to tell me when they want something and work with me, work on us.
Great relationships last years, last generations, they last lifetimes. It seems that at different times in a relationship, one person carries the other. Things happen, people go up, people go down.
One person has a bad day, the other picks them up, maybe it’s a bad week, bad month, hell maybe a bad few months your partner picks you up.
Selfishness seems to have gotten in the way of forgiveness.
Sometimes I want to be told what to do. I don’t want to be dominated or bullied, sometimes it is just easier to be told; “We’re going here” and we are going to do “this” or “that”. I like talking about us, I like pretending, and I like to dream. I hate the feeling saying something; anything will get me in trouble.
Twice in my life I felt afraid to say what I wanted and it led to devastation and the end of both relationships. I cannot believe that I became afraid to state what I wanted to say and was afraid that if I spoke out my relationship would end or be worse.
I was right in both instances and wrong as well. I was told I was aloof and moody. I was told I was grouchy, rotten and mean.
I guess I met and loved the wrong women at the wrong time. I felt each time was the right time, but they did not feel the same way.
My first love was a woman that loved herself more than she loved me. We were married, but she liked the finer things, the money, the cars, the stuff, etc. She wanted more than I did and she was ashamed of her own family and she seemed to be embarrassed of me and us. The family we almost had disappeared on one Christmas Eve and then so did we.
The second women I wanted to be with for rest of my life loved her kids from her first marriage more than she loved me or us. We always seemed to disagree on us, (the us of her and I) versus us, (Her kids, herself and I). When I asked her to marry me not once but twice, both times she said, “NOT YET”
Both relationships lasted more than ten years but ended in a second. Both came as shock, but looking back now
“HOW FREAKING BLIND WAS I”
Thursday, May 27, 2004
I am the HR Mgr for a 10 unit 500 employees’ restaurant chain. One of my sites called on Tuesday about 9:00am and said they caught a guy eating while working, definitely a no- no for us. The guy is reprimanded, suspended and told to go to the H.R. Office Tuesday at 9:00am. Thursday at 8:00 am he is banging at the door “let me in” I let him in and he starts the Ming. Every other word is F&*^-YOU! I calm him down and start asking questions, “Tell me what happened?”” Where were you working at the time?”
Well, long story short he came in early ate breakfast (which the restaurant paid for,) and then clocked –in and went to work in the kitchen. An hour later the manager notices him chewing, she asks him, “What are you eating?” After swallowing, he looks at the Manager dead in eye and he says
He admits to me that he found a half a bagel on the floor and picked it up and ate it.
He then told me that since he was the best employee we ever had we would never fire him. I then opened his folder to see 2 notes for no call, no shows. A third note for talking on cell phone while sweeping and another for returning 20 minutes late from a 10-minute break. All the notes were from the last 15 days. Yeah, “BEST EMPLOYEE” I say to myself. I show him the statement he signed at Orientation that theft of any kind would result in his termination. He explains that since the bagel was on floor we could not sell it, so it could not be theft and that he had been eating in the kitchen every day since he started. Throw a few MF’s in there and you get his story.
“ I always eat the stuff that hits the floor.”
He leans back in his chair and smiles, “So when do I go back to work?”
I look at him and say,
“Please return at 2:00 pm with your uniform so that I can give you your final check”
“F(*&-You, F$#@ all of you your not firing me you MF’s”
He jumps up heads for the door goes out slams it hard enough that the nearest window that was closed blew open.
All of that before 8:10 am I didn’t even have my coffee.
He returns at 3:00 pm and gets his check, his term document, and his un-employment handbook and asks me for a reference, yep a reference. I told him that employees that are terminated can’t get references from us and then he says,
“How about a personal reference from you”
I tell him, “Sorry, not from me.”
He jumps up and screams“ Well F*&^-YOU, You F%$#ing Asshole!
Once again he slams the door, window opens where I follow him outside to see him peel out in his car make a fast U-Turn and hits a parked car across the street, lots of damage to both cars he is not hurt but is trying to back his car out of the wreckage and the very next car down the street is the police.
Sometimes you just have to wait a little bit for karma.
Looking back it is easy to see that I did give my self over to the “dark side” I felt alone and incomplete something was missing. Look being alone isn’t that bad it just lonely, I mean who do you complain to when you run out of milk?
It ‘s easy to be alone, you can come and go as you please, you don’t have to answer to anyone, make dinner for someone else clean up another person s mess or answer for your actions. Money / financial decisions are made instantly with out arguing or upset ness.
“What’s for dinner?” the lifelong question of the day is now gone. The endless arguments about dinner in the past now look so foolish, why was what we ate for dinner so freakin’ important? We rarely wanted to cook when we got home from work but we knew someone was going to cook, don’t get me wrong here I love to cook but cooking at the last minute and then cooking a second dish; or having to run to the market for one ingredient at the last minute. That’s the sacrifice you give up the ease of just fixing dinner versus tonight’s menu with the overcooked/ underdone complaints well now dinner is what ever I want, you know eggs and toast or cereal is great dinner sometimes.
Being alone sucks.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
I may not be the best but let be the first
Happy Birthday to you today and forever
I remember birthdays in the past and I smile
I remember birthdays in the past and I think for a while
I remember the sparkle in your eyes and the love in your heart
I remember the touch of your hand and how you made your mark
I thought you were the one and but clearly not
So I look to the future seeking a love from you that is less than I want
Please be happy and know my love is true
And on this day I really think of you
Happy Birthday to you today and forever
Thursday, May 13, 2004
I get very irritable when I feel my time being wasted because it is just seems a waste of time while I fight to keep my energy up, while someone else moves at a snail s pace to complete minor tasks.
Thursday, May 06, 2004
You have got to be kidding, right Spiderman webs put on the on the mound and bases DURING a game. If the Republicans or Democrats wanted to advertise on the bases would you allow it? A catchy donkey or elephant or is it just movies or is it just the movies someone at MLB picks? Can James Bond get “007” put on all the bases if the money was right?
Who exactly decides which company can be put on the bases? If Spiderman can get on, can the “HULK” or “THE X-MEN” get on? What about “FRODO” from Lord of the Rings, how about Ronald McDonald and the Grimace? Can Mickey Mouse be put on the bases or does he have to have a movie coming out? Must it be a cartoon character or could it a literary figure, what if Harry Potter wants on the bases?
Do I have to have a movie coming out or maybe if I was to write a book, could a character or an icon from my book be put on the bases? Will you allow my website address to be put on the bases or maybe I could advertise on just 1 base for a moderate fee. I mean it’s all about the money right?
Please respond to me because as lifelong baseball fan I am curious as to why MLB has decided to do this marketing gimmick that ruins the integrity of the game. Yeah, integrity. If you MLB can allow the field to be altered, can the players wear advertising on their uniforms?
Please list your requirements to advertise on the bases, the fee schedule and what advertises have you turned down? What standards have been set to determine what is or isn’t appropriate?
Who's next? VIAGRA, CIALIS?
How much money would it take for me to put a logo on your bases? Please explain why Spiderman 2 is allowed and what I need to do to get my company’s logo / website on the bases and pitcher mound.
I thought baseball was above this. The current advertising in the stadium’s takes away from the game as it is.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Women who are abused and return to the guy that abuses them. I know a girl not a friend just a girl, I guess, Jesus leave the guy, freak, (you know what i mean) why do good women stay with bad guys?
I live near the beach and its hot
Pray for fog
The heat is almost as bad as the Gas and milk prices. I don't drink a lot of milk but $3.19 for a quart of milk. I know buy in bulk and the price goes down but I'm a single guy and buying 2 gallons of milk at once just to get a cheap price when I'll eventually threw away the entire 2nd gallon.
Now Gas prices are a different matter entirely. Where are all those knuckled who said we were going to Iraq for oil? Yeah right!
Gas is out of this world and it's only going up.