Thursday, January 27, 2005
Dating
It has been brought to my attention that I go on lots of dates. I am not sure that is correct. I lived with my first wife for 5 years before marrying her. The marriage lasted 7 years and then I spent 3 or 4 years out and about. I then met the most wonderful women I had ever met and whom I thought was my soul mate and that relationship lasted about 10 years. Since then I have dated 5 or 6 very different women in the last 2 years and only 1 seemed promising but she was more like my first wife, wanting more than she had and disappointed with her current state.
I met her at the supermarket where she worked and she was probably too young for me. She wanted to be richer; she wanted to be thinner, (she weighed 100 lbs. and constantly referred to herself as FAT), she wanted a better apt. she wanted a better car; she wanted a better job, etc. She also made sure that I knew that she was not happy with my car, my job, my apt, etc as well. When push came to shove I explained that I had already done this in my life and was not interested in the whole better car, better house, spend money like it does not matter to buy a better something that you already own. I hate the thought of going to a restaurant night after night with brand new clothes each time to just “SHOW OFF” I spent lots of money in my first marriage to purchase better items like, cars, TV’s, dishes, clothes, furniture etc to replace the same things with “better quality” items. I could see that this happening over again and wanted no part of it. Don’t get me wrong she was beautiful, funny, and probably too young for me but way too insecure with what she has. Dreams and desire for your future are important but not in this manner.
Another date just could not be on time. I know I am a stickler and probably a little anal about being on time but this lady was just too, too F#$%ing late. Truthfully she was inconsiderate and could not figure out that her inability to look at watch created problems for us. We dated for about 3 months and everything seemed to be going pretty well. Then it started, o our last 3 dates she was not ready for the date 2 hours after she said “Come pick me up at 6:00 pm and I would arrive at 10 minutes to 6 and then I sat around for 2 hours at her place waiting for her to get ready. I don’t like waiting and I mean I don’t like waiting; it brings out the devil in me. She would talk on the telephone to friends while getting ready and she would yell at me from behind the door to have a conversation. Yes, she was apologetic and she definitely showed her appreciation to me later but when I asked if she could either be ready at 6 or have me arrive at 8 either way was fine with me she flipped out and gave me the “You don’t think I am worth the wait.” When I explained that sitting around her apt. for 2 hours each time we went out wasn’t my idea of a good time. I explained that I would be more than happy to show up at anytime but it would be nice if she was ready when she said she would be ready. Well I obviously said the wrong thing, (truthfully she was not worth the wait) and she told me to leave and I did, never to return.
I do remember a few dates from way back. Some were great, some were good and some were horrible. I remember that right before I met the love of my life I dated a gorgeous woman that I took to an LA Raider game 13 or 14 years ago. I had a ½ share of season tickets when the Raiders played at the Coliseum. It was a bright Sunday afternoon when we arrived and we parked completely on the opposite side from our seats when we entered the stadium. After showing our tickets at the entrance we started to go around the walkway to our seats. The very first stand we came to had a wine stand next to the beer stand. She wanted a glass (cup) of wine so I got a beer and she got wine. We proceed to walk half way around the Coliseum to our seats when she decides that she wants another glass of wine. Back I go to the only wine stand at the Coliseum 10 minutes later I return with her 2-nd glass of wine. Near the end of first half she wants 3rd glass. I had no problem with this thinking she will get a little liquored up and we will have a great time after the game.
Long story short she had 6 glasses of wine at the football game and I spent the majority of the game walking to, waiting in line, walking back just to get her all of this wine. She passed out in the truck on the way home and when we got back to her apt she spent the next hour puking up wine. She vomited all over the floor of her kitchen and she puked in her kitchen sink before she could get to the bathroom. That was our last date ever. Thank God.
Before Raider wine girl I dated a girl Vikki. (With an I, no E) that’s how she introduced herself “Hi I am Vikki with an I, no E” who I took to Las Vegas for an enjoyable weekend. My first relationship since my divorce, (relationship is a strong word here a few dates and a trip to Vegas) This trip was wonderful until I uttered the name of my ex-wife instead of her name while in bed at the precise moment a young lady wants to here you moan, breathe, utter, scream her name. Within a half hour we were checked out of the hotel and back on the road to Ventura. There was not one word spoken between us all the way back to Ventura from Vegas.
Some of my dates have included:
Meet the ex (that’s the surprise meeting’s with the ex-husband),
The no babysitter at the last moment, “we have to take the baby if you want to go out.”
The ”we can’t go out because I am still working”, (I ended up hating this chick)
The “Spender” that is the date that orders the most expensive item on the menu and takes 1 or 2 bites TOTAL and then shakes your hand at the door. (She did this twice before I took her someplace “less expensive” and then she mentioned that she didn’t like the food at that restaurant.)
The “I didn’t know I was supposed to call you back after I got your message to call you”
Besides being an airhead this gal ended up getting pregnant right after we dated by her ex-husband. Whew that was a close one!
I really appreciated that one gal named Maria that would not let me take her out unless I also took out her best friend “Denise”. Hey, I am an open and ok guy and I will take out two ladies no problem. Unfortunately she wanted each every date to include her best friend. At first I thought all right two women yeah hooo hoooo. Nope wrong assumption; I was just the wallet for the two of them to get out and enjoy a nice meal while not sitting at home. When she called me to ask if we could go out again I asked her if “we” meant her and I or all three of us? I explained that it was getting expensive taking her and her friend out for dinner and drinks. Her response was, ”If you want to go out with me you know that Denise has to come along too!” In closing, the argument went along the lines of what I wanted versus what she wanted and then she got very upset when I mentioned that after 4 or 5 dates with her and her best friend it was time to stop going out or go out as just a couple and for her to make the decision. She responded with the ever popular, “You’re a dick” and hung up. Being the DICK that I am, later that week I called her best friend Denise and asked her out. We went out just the two of us and I had a great time.
I dated this girl recently that after the first date decided (without asking me) that we were going to live together. It is kind of creepy to open your door at 10:00 pm to find the girl you met on a blind date two nights before is at your door with a big bag of clothes looking for a place to stay for “ just a couple of nights”
Jesus this has to get easier you know but what the hell other than the expense of frequent dinners for dates and their best friends, it really has been fun.
I met her at the supermarket where she worked and she was probably too young for me. She wanted to be richer; she wanted to be thinner, (she weighed 100 lbs. and constantly referred to herself as FAT), she wanted a better apt. she wanted a better car; she wanted a better job, etc. She also made sure that I knew that she was not happy with my car, my job, my apt, etc as well. When push came to shove I explained that I had already done this in my life and was not interested in the whole better car, better house, spend money like it does not matter to buy a better something that you already own. I hate the thought of going to a restaurant night after night with brand new clothes each time to just “SHOW OFF” I spent lots of money in my first marriage to purchase better items like, cars, TV’s, dishes, clothes, furniture etc to replace the same things with “better quality” items. I could see that this happening over again and wanted no part of it. Don’t get me wrong she was beautiful, funny, and probably too young for me but way too insecure with what she has. Dreams and desire for your future are important but not in this manner.
Another date just could not be on time. I know I am a stickler and probably a little anal about being on time but this lady was just too, too F#$%ing late. Truthfully she was inconsiderate and could not figure out that her inability to look at watch created problems for us. We dated for about 3 months and everything seemed to be going pretty well. Then it started, o our last 3 dates she was not ready for the date 2 hours after she said “Come pick me up at 6:00 pm and I would arrive at 10 minutes to 6 and then I sat around for 2 hours at her place waiting for her to get ready. I don’t like waiting and I mean I don’t like waiting; it brings out the devil in me. She would talk on the telephone to friends while getting ready and she would yell at me from behind the door to have a conversation. Yes, she was apologetic and she definitely showed her appreciation to me later but when I asked if she could either be ready at 6 or have me arrive at 8 either way was fine with me she flipped out and gave me the “You don’t think I am worth the wait.” When I explained that sitting around her apt. for 2 hours each time we went out wasn’t my idea of a good time. I explained that I would be more than happy to show up at anytime but it would be nice if she was ready when she said she would be ready. Well I obviously said the wrong thing, (truthfully she was not worth the wait) and she told me to leave and I did, never to return.
I do remember a few dates from way back. Some were great, some were good and some were horrible. I remember that right before I met the love of my life I dated a gorgeous woman that I took to an LA Raider game 13 or 14 years ago. I had a ½ share of season tickets when the Raiders played at the Coliseum. It was a bright Sunday afternoon when we arrived and we parked completely on the opposite side from our seats when we entered the stadium. After showing our tickets at the entrance we started to go around the walkway to our seats. The very first stand we came to had a wine stand next to the beer stand. She wanted a glass (cup) of wine so I got a beer and she got wine. We proceed to walk half way around the Coliseum to our seats when she decides that she wants another glass of wine. Back I go to the only wine stand at the Coliseum 10 minutes later I return with her 2-nd glass of wine. Near the end of first half she wants 3rd glass. I had no problem with this thinking she will get a little liquored up and we will have a great time after the game.
Long story short she had 6 glasses of wine at the football game and I spent the majority of the game walking to, waiting in line, walking back just to get her all of this wine. She passed out in the truck on the way home and when we got back to her apt she spent the next hour puking up wine. She vomited all over the floor of her kitchen and she puked in her kitchen sink before she could get to the bathroom. That was our last date ever. Thank God.
Before Raider wine girl I dated a girl Vikki. (With an I, no E) that’s how she introduced herself “Hi I am Vikki with an I, no E” who I took to Las Vegas for an enjoyable weekend. My first relationship since my divorce, (relationship is a strong word here a few dates and a trip to Vegas) This trip was wonderful until I uttered the name of my ex-wife instead of her name while in bed at the precise moment a young lady wants to here you moan, breathe, utter, scream her name. Within a half hour we were checked out of the hotel and back on the road to Ventura. There was not one word spoken between us all the way back to Ventura from Vegas.
Some of my dates have included:
Meet the ex (that’s the surprise meeting’s with the ex-husband),
The no babysitter at the last moment, “we have to take the baby if you want to go out.”
The ”we can’t go out because I am still working”, (I ended up hating this chick)
The “Spender” that is the date that orders the most expensive item on the menu and takes 1 or 2 bites TOTAL and then shakes your hand at the door. (She did this twice before I took her someplace “less expensive” and then she mentioned that she didn’t like the food at that restaurant.)
The “I didn’t know I was supposed to call you back after I got your message to call you”
Besides being an airhead this gal ended up getting pregnant right after we dated by her ex-husband. Whew that was a close one!
I really appreciated that one gal named Maria that would not let me take her out unless I also took out her best friend “Denise”. Hey, I am an open and ok guy and I will take out two ladies no problem. Unfortunately she wanted each every date to include her best friend. At first I thought all right two women yeah hooo hoooo. Nope wrong assumption; I was just the wallet for the two of them to get out and enjoy a nice meal while not sitting at home. When she called me to ask if we could go out again I asked her if “we” meant her and I or all three of us? I explained that it was getting expensive taking her and her friend out for dinner and drinks. Her response was, ”If you want to go out with me you know that Denise has to come along too!” In closing, the argument went along the lines of what I wanted versus what she wanted and then she got very upset when I mentioned that after 4 or 5 dates with her and her best friend it was time to stop going out or go out as just a couple and for her to make the decision. She responded with the ever popular, “You’re a dick” and hung up. Being the DICK that I am, later that week I called her best friend Denise and asked her out. We went out just the two of us and I had a great time.
I dated this girl recently that after the first date decided (without asking me) that we were going to live together. It is kind of creepy to open your door at 10:00 pm to find the girl you met on a blind date two nights before is at your door with a big bag of clothes looking for a place to stay for “ just a couple of nights”
Jesus this has to get easier you know but what the hell other than the expense of frequent dinners for dates and their best friends, it really has been fun.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Why is it?
Why is it that everyone can always tell the exact moment in time when they fell out of love but can anyone tell the exact moment when they fell in love?
Friday, January 21, 2005
This Weekend
The weekend is upon us and I have a date that hopefully will go well. It seems I am in that continuous dating stage, (No complaints from me), having multiple dates with different women is not a bad thing, and really it isn’t. For a long time I had very few friends if any and a few acquaintances. I never really hung out with friends or kept friends for very long. When I divorced most “friends” went with the ex. Easy to understand but I moved on and made new friends. These new friends were in LA and when I moved back here other than an email or a Christmas Birthday Card we just lost touch.
Most of the people that I am friends with I also work with and honestly it is just to damn hard to date some one you work with. Someone in the relationship wants to know more about the “company” than they know and one way or another work gets in the way. One of the two knows more and uses it to get what they want or holds it over the other to gain an advantage. “Sex, Secrets and Lies” I have been there. Take it from me dating coworkers may feel easy at first but it is definitely not the way to go. Co-workers always ask inappropriate questions and assumptions are made that just make everything harder.
I look forward to these new dates not in a way maybe I want or should. I don’t see a long future in any of these women but just an opportunity to meet someone. It is nice to have a glass of wine and intelligent conversation Hey don’t get me wrong a little physical contact is a good thing, (OK it really is a great thing) but right now it isn’t the only thing.
Unlike the past I like to listen to someone else talk about themselves. I have become curious about someone anyone other than myself. I am curious as to how they got to this point in their lives and where they want to go next.
Tonight will be dinner and walk in downtown Ventura and who knows maybe we will hold hands.
Most of the people that I am friends with I also work with and honestly it is just to damn hard to date some one you work with. Someone in the relationship wants to know more about the “company” than they know and one way or another work gets in the way. One of the two knows more and uses it to get what they want or holds it over the other to gain an advantage. “Sex, Secrets and Lies” I have been there. Take it from me dating coworkers may feel easy at first but it is definitely not the way to go. Co-workers always ask inappropriate questions and assumptions are made that just make everything harder.
I look forward to these new dates not in a way maybe I want or should. I don’t see a long future in any of these women but just an opportunity to meet someone. It is nice to have a glass of wine and intelligent conversation Hey don’t get me wrong a little physical contact is a good thing, (OK it really is a great thing) but right now it isn’t the only thing.
Unlike the past I like to listen to someone else talk about themselves. I have become curious about someone anyone other than myself. I am curious as to how they got to this point in their lives and where they want to go next.
Tonight will be dinner and walk in downtown Ventura and who knows maybe we will hold hands.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
What is the world coming to? Karma will get you every time and you get what you deserve and for every action there is a re-action Blah blah blah.
I am not surprised anymore. I have seen repeated articles in the news about people in South East Asia and eastern Africa not eating fish anymore. They are refusing to eat fish because TAH DAH the fish may have eaten bodies that were pulled out to sea from the Tsunami. Bodies that floated out and quickly decomposed into fish food have caused a great stir in Sri Lanka, Indonesia and India. They are extremely worried that if they eat fish that has eaten human remains they will be considered cannibals. Most of these places really survive on seafood.
Now for thousands of years we humans have been eating fish with only a few instances of fish eating us, (Jaws, the sinking of the USS Indianapolis, etc) and now they are getting their revenge on us.
I am not surprised anymore. I have seen repeated articles in the news about people in South East Asia and eastern Africa not eating fish anymore. They are refusing to eat fish because TAH DAH the fish may have eaten bodies that were pulled out to sea from the Tsunami. Bodies that floated out and quickly decomposed into fish food have caused a great stir in Sri Lanka, Indonesia and India. They are extremely worried that if they eat fish that has eaten human remains they will be considered cannibals. Most of these places really survive on seafood.
Now for thousands of years we humans have been eating fish with only a few instances of fish eating us, (Jaws, the sinking of the USS Indianapolis, etc) and now they are getting their revenge on us.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Thursday, January 13, 2005
My Football Picks
My picks for the NFL playoffs are as follows:
Atlanta over St. Louis
Indy over New England
Pittsburgh over NY (barley over the Jets)
Philly over Minn.
I know, I know the family is from New England and I'll catch a bunch of shit for picking the Colts, but Indy is set this year and the Pats are injured so lets see what happens on Sunday.
Atlanta over St. Louis
Indy over New England
Pittsburgh over NY (barley over the Jets)
Philly over Minn.
I know, I know the family is from New England and I'll catch a bunch of shit for picking the Colts, but Indy is set this year and the Pats are injured so lets see what happens on Sunday.
Friday, January 07, 2005
My nephew
The picture below is of my nephew Sgt. Traver Penell USMC. He is recieving a cake from one of my other nephews class on Friday January 7th, 2005. My nephew Conner and his classmates wrote letters for Traver and his squad while they were in Iraq. Traver and his squad helped clean out Fallouja. Traver IS an American hero.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
What was that?
Ok I am not the musical genius of the world and I know that I can not sing, but what happened with Ashlee Simpson at the Orange Bowl on Tuesday Night? My god she sucks. Her dad who you know manages both his daughters needs top go back to being a preacher. He needs a lot more talks with the lord about Ashlee because it worked for daughter number 1 Jessica. Maybe he made a pact with the devil for Jessica and it is coming back to haunt Ashlee.
How were we to know that out of all of the Simpsons that were going to make a scene in Florida Tuesday Night it wasn't OJ that made the crowd take notice.
How bad do you have to be to get booed at a football game? My god the least she could have done was give us the boob, I mean Janet Jackson gave us the boob and she could sing.
Lets go back to the marching bands and the cheerleaders from now on.
How were we to know that out of all of the Simpsons that were going to make a scene in Florida Tuesday Night it wasn't OJ that made the crowd take notice.
How bad do you have to be to get booed at a football game? My god the least she could have done was give us the boob, I mean Janet Jackson gave us the boob and she could sing.
Lets go back to the marching bands and the cheerleaders from now on.
Monday, January 03, 2005
The night that almost never happened!
New Years Eve is the night most people look forward to or dread. Do you have a date; is there a party you will go to? Are you dateless and will you watch Dick Clark or will you just go to bed early?
Surprise, surprise I had a date yep a real date not a make believe date. We had reservations for a nice restaurant but we had to be there no later than 7:00 pm. If we arrived later we would loose our reservations and then have to wait in line to get a table and we would not be able to stay for the party.
I made sure that she new that we had to be at the restaurant before 7:00 pm. I tell her that “I’ll pick you up at 6:00 pm,” she says “I’ll be off at 4:30 pm” She calls at 5:00 she is still working but will be home at 6:00 pm. “It won’t take me long to get ready, I promise”
I have never believed that line in my life. “It won’t take me long to get ready” means to most women 1 to 1and a 1/2 hours or more. To me as a guy it means 20 minutes. I arrive at 6:15 pm at her place; she’s not there. She calls at 6:30 pm she will be home in 5 minutes. She arrives we go inside I head for the couch, loosen my tie and wait. We leave at 7:15 pm from her house and head to the restaurant. We are running late and I’m pissed and she’s looking tired. She complains that she took 5 extra clients, (she’s a hairdresser) she charged double and they all paid it plus generous tips.
I understand but I was still pissed off, (I don’t take waiting or being late very well). We get to the restaurant and as expected lost our reservations and have an hour wait for a crappy table with no view. We decided to grab dinner at Yolanda’s, not very romantic but the food is good.
Long story short, she did work all day and she was extremely tired and began yawning during dinner. Being the nice guy I asked if she would just like to blow off the night and go back to my house or hers. She decided that the best thing to do was to just drop her off at home and she said she would make it up to me at a later date. Damn, another night alone oh well what are you going to do? I drop her off and head home. I get to the apartment and figured since I was awake and it was early I might as well do a quick load of laundry. I get a load of towels together and head for the laundry room.
I get a tap on my shoulder and a young lady asked if I was really doing laundry on New Years Eve? Would I like to come to a party at her Apt? Sure what the hell else do I have to do tonight? I ask if need to bring anything “Wine” she says “2 bottles” No problem be at my place at 9:30 or 10:00 pm she tells me the apt number and leaves. I jet to the liquor store return finish my laundry and head on over 2 bottles of Chardonnay. A couple of weeks ago I gave this young lady 4 quarters for a dollar bill so she could finish her laundry and now I get invited to her party woo hoo!
I am the last to arrive at her place when I walked in there were 10 people 6 gals and 4 guys. Everyone was single, two of us were divorced, and one guy had a child that didn’t live with him. Two of the ladies shared an apt, but everyone else was in a single room apt. Not a bad group, the girls were 29 to 38 yrs old. The guys were 31 to 43 yrs old. White, Asian, Hispanic. There was lots of booze, wine, beer and some hard stuff. The food was, well potato chips, crackers and cheese. The host of the party was a young lady named Donna. She had more personality and ideas than anyone I have met in years. Bright, bubbly, cute and she obviously knew how to use her looks and personality to get what ever she wanted. She should get on the show “Apprentice”; Donald Trump would not give her the “YOUR FIRED”. Tonight she wanted all of her guests to get acquainted.
She decided that we were all going to have to talk about ourselves, without being specific. I am not into party games or charades but what the hell, I don’t really know these people and I could have a few drinks and then split. We proceeded to go around the room and make a statement or two about ourselves. When everyone was finished talking everyone else got to ask each other a question, kind of like “What’s my line” We turned out to be a Nurse, engineer, auto mechanic, secretary, teacher, student, salesperson, cable installer, office manger and HR Manager. Almost like the movie The Breakfast Club Not bad we laughed and joked and had a real good time. Usually this is when I would head for the exit. Find an excuse and just disappear, but before I could find an excuse our host decided it was time for the fun to start.
Donna decided we were going to play an adult scavenger hunt but with a twist. She decided that we would have to go to each of our apt to get what she decided and bring it back and we would go around the room and then in something reminiscent of “Show and Tell” we would present our items. Everyone would get a grade and the winner would get a prize at the end of the night.
“F*&%” I don’t play party games; I mean I really don’t like this stuff. A couple of us begged off but she insisted with a big smile and the kind of look a lot of men have fallen for. How easy a pretty woman can sway me.
The rules were that you had 5 minutes to get what was requested. When everyone came back you to talk about your item and then you would get a grade. If you came back empty handed you got zero points. If you took 7 minutes or more you would loose points and everyone had to take a drink before they took off for their apt. Almost everyone was drinking wine so a sip or two of wine every few minutes would be great. It rained hard most of the day on Friday but it was just sprinkling outside so it was actually pretty easy to go back and forth from her apt to my apt and back.
Her first request was for a baby picture. I took off for my place got my picture and returned. Show and tell began with a couple of naked baby pictures and lots of laughs. The next item was to get was your worst Christmas Gift from this year. One girl got some underwear from her mom that was a size 12. This girl was an easy size 2. She was a little pissed off at her mom. Some one actually got a Chia Pet as a gift and I brought a t-shirt that I got from brother-in- law.
Next came your worst piece of clothing you own, a few of the ladies had some of the most hideous bridesmaids dresses imaginable. One guy had a new Members Only Jacket, Wow!
The following tasks came next:
Bring your yearbook from High School.
The one item in your pantry you have that you won’t eat.
The last book you read, the last CD you bought and the worst movie you own.
The last gift you got from your most recent girlfriend/boyfriend, (3 people were emptied handed, one girl had a huge engagement ring)
Bring your favorite shoes, (must be a girl thing).
Bring your cologne/ perfume for everyone to smell. (I won this)
Bring an article of clothing that your last date left at your apt. (All of the guys lost this one, none of us had anything to bring!)
Best and worst Tatoo, (I lost this one) but I liked the rose in a real personal spot on on gal, Jesus it must have hurt A LOT to get a tatoo in between your thighs, now what I mean.
We all got ten minutes to go onto our computers and bring back our most recent e-mail, even it was Spam or personal print it out and bring it back. Out 10 of us 6 had spam, 3 for prescription drugs, 1 for a real estate loan, 1 for the good old penis enlargement, and the last was for fake watches. My e-mail won it was a customer complaint for my business.
Since everyone was single it was actually fun and before midnight everyone was feeling real good. We watched the ball drop and we all had a drink and then a quick kiss between the girls and guys.
Then it was decided that we would all take a tour of each other’s apt. One of the guys, Jesus jumped up and said he needed to clean his apt before any one came over. “No dice we are going to yours first” every yelled and off we went. Needless to say he was embarrassed with lots of dirty dishes in the sink, bathroom a mess. He was voted “worst bathroom” and “worst kitchen.”
I was voted “cleanest kitchen”, “most organized”, “emptiest fridge” and “best porch” (I was the only one with a BBQ)
There was “best picture on the wall” given out to the gal that had a naked picture of herself hanging up in her bedroom.
The “bedroom you want to do it in.” given to a different gal that had a lot of candles, maybe 100 candles or more and few adult toys, devices and a huge collection of porn, quite kinky.
“Worst collection” was given to the young lady that had a collection of plastic, clay, metal, pewter whatever SNAKES Very freaky. The youngest gal had 20 or 30 stuffed animals on her bed and she had names for each and every single one, she was the runner up.
“Worst furniture” went to the guy with the bricks and board TV organizer. He had a wooden lawn chair in his living room, as this was his only piece of living room furniture besides the college dorm room TV stand. He got “Most in need of Queer Eye for a Straight Guy” makeover”
“Worst lamp” to the guy with the huge parrot from Mexico that he converted into a table top lamp. One gal had a great couch and a wonderful recliner but no tables, no other chairs and a real small desk lamp. She got “Best Couch and Chair in the Dark”
“Best fridge” to the guy with a couple of boxes of tamales from his mom, he passed some out to all of us.
We all went back to Donna’s had a laugh, exchanged e-mail address’, cell phones and business cards. We decided to try to keep in touch and vowed to meet again. The party broke up around 1:30am. That was the latest I had been up in years and I did have a few (5) glasses of wine but I felt great. I went home alone but I definitely didn’t feel lonely.
New Years Eve is the night most people look forward to or dread. Do you have a date; is there a party you will go to? Are you dateless and will you watch Dick Clark or will you just go to bed early?
Surprise, surprise I had a date yep a real date not a make believe date. We had reservations for a nice restaurant but we had to be there no later than 7:00 pm. If we arrived later we would loose our reservations and then have to wait in line to get a table and we would not be able to stay for the party.
I made sure that she new that we had to be at the restaurant before 7:00 pm. I tell her that “I’ll pick you up at 6:00 pm,” she says “I’ll be off at 4:30 pm” She calls at 5:00 she is still working but will be home at 6:00 pm. “It won’t take me long to get ready, I promise”
I have never believed that line in my life. “It won’t take me long to get ready” means to most women 1 to 1and a 1/2 hours or more. To me as a guy it means 20 minutes. I arrive at 6:15 pm at her place; she’s not there. She calls at 6:30 pm she will be home in 5 minutes. She arrives we go inside I head for the couch, loosen my tie and wait. We leave at 7:15 pm from her house and head to the restaurant. We are running late and I’m pissed and she’s looking tired. She complains that she took 5 extra clients, (she’s a hairdresser) she charged double and they all paid it plus generous tips.
I understand but I was still pissed off, (I don’t take waiting or being late very well). We get to the restaurant and as expected lost our reservations and have an hour wait for a crappy table with no view. We decided to grab dinner at Yolanda’s, not very romantic but the food is good.
Long story short, she did work all day and she was extremely tired and began yawning during dinner. Being the nice guy I asked if she would just like to blow off the night and go back to my house or hers. She decided that the best thing to do was to just drop her off at home and she said she would make it up to me at a later date. Damn, another night alone oh well what are you going to do? I drop her off and head home. I get to the apartment and figured since I was awake and it was early I might as well do a quick load of laundry. I get a load of towels together and head for the laundry room.
I get a tap on my shoulder and a young lady asked if I was really doing laundry on New Years Eve? Would I like to come to a party at her Apt? Sure what the hell else do I have to do tonight? I ask if need to bring anything “Wine” she says “2 bottles” No problem be at my place at 9:30 or 10:00 pm she tells me the apt number and leaves. I jet to the liquor store return finish my laundry and head on over 2 bottles of Chardonnay. A couple of weeks ago I gave this young lady 4 quarters for a dollar bill so she could finish her laundry and now I get invited to her party woo hoo!
I am the last to arrive at her place when I walked in there were 10 people 6 gals and 4 guys. Everyone was single, two of us were divorced, and one guy had a child that didn’t live with him. Two of the ladies shared an apt, but everyone else was in a single room apt. Not a bad group, the girls were 29 to 38 yrs old. The guys were 31 to 43 yrs old. White, Asian, Hispanic. There was lots of booze, wine, beer and some hard stuff. The food was, well potato chips, crackers and cheese. The host of the party was a young lady named Donna. She had more personality and ideas than anyone I have met in years. Bright, bubbly, cute and she obviously knew how to use her looks and personality to get what ever she wanted. She should get on the show “Apprentice”; Donald Trump would not give her the “YOUR FIRED”. Tonight she wanted all of her guests to get acquainted.
She decided that we were all going to have to talk about ourselves, without being specific. I am not into party games or charades but what the hell, I don’t really know these people and I could have a few drinks and then split. We proceeded to go around the room and make a statement or two about ourselves. When everyone was finished talking everyone else got to ask each other a question, kind of like “What’s my line” We turned out to be a Nurse, engineer, auto mechanic, secretary, teacher, student, salesperson, cable installer, office manger and HR Manager. Almost like the movie The Breakfast Club Not bad we laughed and joked and had a real good time. Usually this is when I would head for the exit. Find an excuse and just disappear, but before I could find an excuse our host decided it was time for the fun to start.
Donna decided we were going to play an adult scavenger hunt but with a twist. She decided that we would have to go to each of our apt to get what she decided and bring it back and we would go around the room and then in something reminiscent of “Show and Tell” we would present our items. Everyone would get a grade and the winner would get a prize at the end of the night.
“F*&%” I don’t play party games; I mean I really don’t like this stuff. A couple of us begged off but she insisted with a big smile and the kind of look a lot of men have fallen for. How easy a pretty woman can sway me.
The rules were that you had 5 minutes to get what was requested. When everyone came back you to talk about your item and then you would get a grade. If you came back empty handed you got zero points. If you took 7 minutes or more you would loose points and everyone had to take a drink before they took off for their apt. Almost everyone was drinking wine so a sip or two of wine every few minutes would be great. It rained hard most of the day on Friday but it was just sprinkling outside so it was actually pretty easy to go back and forth from her apt to my apt and back.
Her first request was for a baby picture. I took off for my place got my picture and returned. Show and tell began with a couple of naked baby pictures and lots of laughs. The next item was to get was your worst Christmas Gift from this year. One girl got some underwear from her mom that was a size 12. This girl was an easy size 2. She was a little pissed off at her mom. Some one actually got a Chia Pet as a gift and I brought a t-shirt that I got from brother-in- law.
Next came your worst piece of clothing you own, a few of the ladies had some of the most hideous bridesmaids dresses imaginable. One guy had a new Members Only Jacket, Wow!
The following tasks came next:
Bring your yearbook from High School.
The one item in your pantry you have that you won’t eat.
The last book you read, the last CD you bought and the worst movie you own.
The last gift you got from your most recent girlfriend/boyfriend, (3 people were emptied handed, one girl had a huge engagement ring)
Bring your favorite shoes, (must be a girl thing).
Bring your cologne/ perfume for everyone to smell. (I won this)
Bring an article of clothing that your last date left at your apt. (All of the guys lost this one, none of us had anything to bring!)
Best and worst Tatoo, (I lost this one) but I liked the rose in a real personal spot on on gal, Jesus it must have hurt A LOT to get a tatoo in between your thighs, now what I mean.
We all got ten minutes to go onto our computers and bring back our most recent e-mail, even it was Spam or personal print it out and bring it back. Out 10 of us 6 had spam, 3 for prescription drugs, 1 for a real estate loan, 1 for the good old penis enlargement, and the last was for fake watches. My e-mail won it was a customer complaint for my business.
Since everyone was single it was actually fun and before midnight everyone was feeling real good. We watched the ball drop and we all had a drink and then a quick kiss between the girls and guys.
Then it was decided that we would all take a tour of each other’s apt. One of the guys, Jesus jumped up and said he needed to clean his apt before any one came over. “No dice we are going to yours first” every yelled and off we went. Needless to say he was embarrassed with lots of dirty dishes in the sink, bathroom a mess. He was voted “worst bathroom” and “worst kitchen.”
I was voted “cleanest kitchen”, “most organized”, “emptiest fridge” and “best porch” (I was the only one with a BBQ)
There was “best picture on the wall” given out to the gal that had a naked picture of herself hanging up in her bedroom.
The “bedroom you want to do it in.” given to a different gal that had a lot of candles, maybe 100 candles or more and few adult toys, devices and a huge collection of porn, quite kinky.
“Worst collection” was given to the young lady that had a collection of plastic, clay, metal, pewter whatever SNAKES Very freaky. The youngest gal had 20 or 30 stuffed animals on her bed and she had names for each and every single one, she was the runner up.
“Worst furniture” went to the guy with the bricks and board TV organizer. He had a wooden lawn chair in his living room, as this was his only piece of living room furniture besides the college dorm room TV stand. He got “Most in need of Queer Eye for a Straight Guy” makeover”
“Worst lamp” to the guy with the huge parrot from Mexico that he converted into a table top lamp. One gal had a great couch and a wonderful recliner but no tables, no other chairs and a real small desk lamp. She got “Best Couch and Chair in the Dark”
“Best fridge” to the guy with a couple of boxes of tamales from his mom, he passed some out to all of us.
We all went back to Donna’s had a laugh, exchanged e-mail address’, cell phones and business cards. We decided to try to keep in touch and vowed to meet again. The party broke up around 1:30am. That was the latest I had been up in years and I did have a few (5) glasses of wine but I felt great. I went home alone but I definitely didn’t feel lonely.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
